Trumping Your Fantasy Team

Today we celebrate observe the inauguration of Donald Trump as our 45th President of the United States. Now we all have different feelings on this (mostly negative, but I won’t get into that), but one thing is for sure. Over the next four years we will probably see and hear some interesting shit. Will a World War be established on Twitter? Will Vladimir Putin ride bare-chested on horseback with the Donald? Will Trump eventually marry his own daughter? Or will we all become orange with envy when he becomes the greatest leader in American history? I joke of course. However, there is one thing that isn’t up for debate. The Donald will certainly teach us some interesting new vocabulary phrases. Here are a few of our favorites and our translation to fantasy scenarios with each one.  Now lets Make Your Fantasy Teams Great Again with the following phrases.

1) YUGE: When you have a huge fantasy day.

Hey Tom, I had a YUGE day on DraftKings. Won money in all my contests.

2) Bad Hombre: The worthiest adversary in your league. A very nasty person.

That Ron is a real bad hombre. Stole my handcuff RB and beat me the next week with him.  

3) Build a Wall: When you need less fantasy points scored against you.

Damn. Lost my game 140 to 132. We need to build a wall against all these points.

4) Make Mexico Pay for It: When you don’t pay your fantasy dues on time, so you tell the Commish that your biggest Latin American rival will flip the bill next year.

Commish, I know I owe you $100 dollars, but just make Pedro to pay for it next year.

5) The Art of the Deal: The best fantasy sports manual.

The Bible is great and all, but if you want to know how to make a great fantasy deal read The Art of the Deal.

6) Grab Them By the Pussy: Pretty self-explanatory, but when you really dominate another fantasy team.

Did you see how bad I beat Make America Brate Again? Yeah, I really grabbed him by the pussy this week.

7) Locker Room Talk: When you’re forced to apologize for inappropriate language in the Yahoo Smalktalk section.

Look, Bill. I’m sorry I offended you when I said I wanted to have a sex sandwich with your wife and your sister, but it was just locker room talk.

8) Bankruptcy: What really smart people do in business. In fantasy, when running out of money at the auction draft.

I know I went bankrupt and had to fill 8 positions with last round picks, but I got AP, DeAndre Hopkins, Todd Gurley, and Brandon Marshall for terrific business deals. What could go wrong?

9) Not Paying Taxes: Another thing really smart people do. In fantasy, when not paying league dues.

The rest of those losers paid $200 for the league dues. I elected not to pay because the Commish never made me. It was a smart business deal.

10) China: The most unfair trade partner. They never offer fair deals and will take advantage of the waiver wire.

China is a real dick offering me Eddie Lacy for David Johnson. I’m putting an embargo on them.