Jets vs Dolphins: British Match Recap

jets-dolphinsGreetings, chaps. It’s your old friend Winthrop Whiffenpoof-Tricklbank from the BBC Network. This last weekend, we in foggy London town had the great privilege to spectate a fine match of American football as the two clubs the Dolphins of Miami and the Jets of New York played in Wembley Stadium.

Before the footballers ever stepped on the pitch, the Dolphins football club was considered the favorite in this competition many fortnights ago. However, the Miami club has been rather piss poor so far this campaign and needed a victory in this match to improve upon their ranking in the league table. Prior to the season, the Jets were considered a club so poor in form that many considered them relegated well before the season began; however, the club has shown great fitness this season and is really playing a spirited game of football at the moment.

On Sunday, the Jets showed much better form than the Dolphins moving right down the pitch in the opening minutes and celebrated a brilliant score in less than five plays. That opening pass to Brandon Marshall really knocked the knickers off the Miami secondary. It was the most impressive opening to a match in Wembley since last year’s Carling Cup romping put on by Manchester City Football Club over Wigan Athletic 5-0. The Jets featured halfback Chris Ivory who came into this contest with some fitness concerns. However, he was truly the bees knees with over 140 rushing meters and a score. The Jets defense also played like the mutt’s nutts creating several turnovers and problems for the Dolphins offense. Crikey, this club was full of beans Sunday.

The Dolphins manager Joe Philbin looks to be the likely first manager sacked this season. In the Premier League, managers are often sacked within three weeks of the start of the season; however, it appears in American football this is not the proper method taken. However, Philbin’s lot of buggers looked as if they were knackered on a strong ale the entire match.  Bullocks, this team’s daft manager appears to lack the gullies to manage on this high of a level.  Now perhaps Philbin will have some cheeky remarks about jetlag and it being too early in the contest to be sacked, but personally I think that’s a load of codswallop.  The Dolphins’ woes appear to be primarily for two reasons. First off, their quarterback is a real tosser. Sure his wife is worth a bang, but Ryan Tannehill appears to be the wealthiest arse in all of the National Football League. Well maybe second only to their big dim defensive tackle Suh. When that wank isn’t showing the sort of Cockney charm by kicking opponent’s in the gullies, he’s taking a holiday on his mates with underwhelming play on the pitch.

Simply put, the Jets were real aces last Sunday and the Dolphins were nothing but a lot of wanks.

Best of Britain to you!

– Winthrop Whiffenpoof-Tricklbank