Naughty Nurse’s Week 4 Injury Report

676548759_oFanTav’s Naughty Nurse is not a certified or practicing medical nurse. She’s just a stripper wearing a slutty nurse’s outfit.  

Ben Roethlisberger: PAIN, HURT, RAPE….these are all four letter words that describe Pittsburgh Steelers QB Big Ben. Week’s 3 biggest injury was by far and away the rapey QB of the Steel City. With Big Ben shelved for approximately 4 to 6 weeks with an MCL sprain, fantasy owners are likely one week late to the QB pickup party (considering Brees, Cutler, and Romo were all injured in the previous two weeks). However, Tyrod Taylor cannot be ignored in Buffalo. Neither can the Red Rifle aka Andy Dalton of the Bengals. As for the Steelers supporting cast, Antonio Brown should come back down to Earth with an inept passing QB in Michael Vick. However, he still must be played in all formats considering he was a first round pick. The rest of the Steelers passing attack is pretty unimpressive in the first place, so Markus Wheaton and Heath Miller owners can drop these guys accordingly. The only player on the Steelers whose value may not take a hit is LeVeon Bell considering he’s a beast both running the ball and catching it out of the backfield. Still though, he will likely see some eight man boxes these upcoming weeks. And that’s about 5 too many men for the Naughty Nurse to handle at one time. Well that one time in nursing school….

Drew Brees: the Saints QB famous for having do-do on his face could miss this upcoming week’s match-up against the Cowboys Sunday night. Either way you shouldn’t be banking on him playing. For starters, it’s a Sunday night game, so you’ll have extremely limited options of replacing him with a decent starter at the last minute. Second, Brees simply had nothing on the ball against Tampa with that bruised rotator cuff. Expect similar dumping passes if he plays. Lastly, the Saints offense doesn’t have much identity as a whole as of yet and Luke McCown was solid last week. Brees should be avoided in all leagues.

DeMarco Murray: The Eagles feature back is on pace for roughly 80 yards rushing this season. He’s also dealing with a dreaded nagging hamstring issue. Until that hammy heals, he can’t really be trusted in any formats. Add on the fact that Matthews looked pretty good last week and Sproles is a good option on passing downs and it seems that Murray is kind of the odd man out of the offense at the moment. Murray owners will have few other options (unless they handcuffed Matthews), but at this point I’d hope he’s just not playing this week.

img-thing (1)Lesean McCoy: The same can be said for McCoy owners as the Bill has looked pretty hopeless this season. To add onto the woes, his backup Keiland Williams is actually killing it on limited carries. Rumor has it that McCoy will be held out until he’s healthy. This is great news considering most McCoy owners should already have handcuffed Williams. The Naughty Nurse certainly did, but then again she loves handcuffs.

Marshawn Lynch: The Beast that enjoys tasting the rainbow may have run out of his magical treats this week as he’s also dealing with a nagging hamstring issue among other issues (probably both physically and mentally). Thomas Rawls killed it in his absence last week making fantasy owners that had Fred Jackson pretty pissed. Rawls should receive at least limited carries this week as a worse case scenario; whereas, BeastMode may miss Monday night’s tilt all together (he’s considered 50/50 right now). It’s a bad deal for owners either way considering it’s a Monday night game and Lynch will be at best limited. Bench Lynch unless you have the FLEX option available and a serviceable replacement for that game. Playing him could leave a bitter taste in your mouth. The Naughty Nurse hates it when men eat pineapple before their physical.

Chris Ivory: The Jets starting running back did the elusive suit up and not play thing last week as more a precautionary thing than a serious injury issue. This week he’s expected to return to the backfield and take the majority of the carries.

Tevin Coleman: The Falcons rookie RB also is dealing with some rib issues back from a week ago; however, he suffered a crack in his ribs and is out for at least two weeks. Depending on his threshold for pain, he might be back in two weeks, but Coleman owners hopefully added Freeman last week. If not…then you’re probably regretting it while you read this.

Victor Cruz: Cruz vowed he’d play this weekend and then he went to practice and re-aggravated his injury. Cruz cannot be trusted in any format. He’s unlikely to play this weekend and img-thinghasn’t played in a game in roughly a year. He’s not an option this week. Even if he does suit up, he’ll be on a snap count and he wasn’t that reliable even before his injury woes.

Davante Adams: The Packers wideout limped off the field on the first series Monday night causing many fantasy owners headaches. His ankle injury seems lingering enough he should be avoided. Besides James Jones has kind of locked down that #2 role in the Green Bay offense.

Players that could return this Week: Andre Ellington looks to return to the Cardinals backfield and muddle it even more. CJ2K was the go-to guy last week, but the Naughty Nurse would avoid this crowd all together. Eric Double Decker of the Jets traveled to foggy London Town with his team. However, there should be many superior options available that aren’t hampered by injury. Also Desean Jackson could return this week too for the Redskins. Perhaps the tight end formerly known as Orange Julius makes his debut this week for Jacksonville as well. Teal Julius may be worth a speculative add.