With the Oakland Raiders moving to Las Vegas, we at FanTav thought it was the perfect time to write our own TV pilot. This is the casino script aka similar to the aptly named film Casino or the “hit show” Las Vegas. In other words, this isn’t Leaving Las Vegas where we would feature Oakland Raiders drowning an entire bottle of booze crying in the shower. This is similar to the mafia genre, but it takes place in a casino.
Considering all the wacky characters the Raiders have employed over the years, they are the perfect team to move to Sin City and to be featured in a spinoff television show. Bizarre owners, zany larger-than-life characters, mismanagement, a decade of losing, and a look back at a golden era…there’s been a lot of fear and loathing in Oakland over the last decade. However, with a fairly successful 2016, now seems like the the perfect time for a transition to an exhilarating new destination. A young promising team on the rise moves to Las Vegas….the script writes itself.
The Dallas Cowboys might be the self-proclaimed “America’s Team”, but the Oakland Raiders are certainly the underbelly of America’s Team. Lets dive right into the main characters of this casino genre pilot project.
The Casino Boss: You always have to have that central character that brings it all together. The day-to-day chief of the casino that keeps tabs on the rest of the characters is vital to the casino genre. In the film Casino, this was “Ace” which was based off of a real life casino boss named “Lefty”. For this pilot, we have “Black Jack” Del Rio. You know the guy that runs the day-to-day operations for the Raiders. Del Rio would bring the right intensity to the role and he would sure to have his staff “Keep Choppin’ Wood” like in his early days in Jacksonville.
The Right Hand Man: Every casino boss needs that reliable employee that can take care of business. You know…the guy behind the guy. Typically this is a paternal relationship between the Bossman and his subordinate. Although Del Rio has a real life quarterbacking son for the Florida Gators, I think we can all agree that Raiders franchise QB Derek Carr is the far superior field general. Plus he’s got the Hollywood leading man looks to nail the part which never hurts either.
The Muscle: Every Right Hand needs that guy that can put his plan to action. This was Andy Garcia’s Stone inThe Untouchables. The Muscle is that loyal, intimidating dude that’s ready to throw down when the timing is right. Raiders sack-master Khalil Mack may be the best pass rusher in the game (assuming JJ Watt’s back injury continues to linger). He’s the perfect stoic character to get the dirty jobs done when they need to be.
The Bartender: Every plan needs a man on the ground floor. Somebody that’s a watchful eye over the compound that can report back to the people pulling the strings and also provide some much needed comic relief and lighthearted moments. Bartenders are the oldest therapists alive, so they know what’s up. This bartender can also provide some flashy skills catching that flipped glass behind the back as well. Raiders budding fantasy star Amari Cooper can provide the big plays and make it all look so easy.
The Promoter: Every casino film needs that retired boxer aka the punch drunk guy that shakes hands and kisses babies, but wishes for a better life. I imagine Bo Jackson has stood in a few casinos and signed a few autographs in his day. Plus he had arguably the best football commercial last season, so he’s relevant. Plus Bo knows…a thing or two about past glories drying up and finding a way to profit anyways.
The Entertainer: Every casino needs a person that draws in the tourists. This one should be the Raiders most avid fan…who other than Ice Cube. Mr. Cube has shown longevity in his career as a rap artist, actor, producer, and father to a budding actor. Friday remains a hilarious film to this day and who could forget the Are We There Yet series? Ice Cube also seems to have some diva qualities as well we could see unfolding in his dressing room.
The Celebrity Publicist: Shows like Entourage have made the intermingling celebrity story very popular. So we have arguably the funniest man alive as our celebrity publicist in Marshawn Lynch. The Oakland native would be the guy that helps manage the lives of the various guest appearing celebrities that stay in a hotel suite at the casino. Of course Lynch would find himself getting into trouble frequently. The Oakland native has never played for the Silver and Black, but has been linked to the Raiders this offseason. As of today, no word on a return but we’re hoping for one as Beastmode has been one of the most quote-worthy athletes that ironically never wants to speak to the press.
The Pit Boss: With most of the major players already cast, we now need to find the right actor for the most intense role. We need that deranged, aggressive pit boss character that won’t be afraid to get his hands dirty from time-to-time and possibly be a potential liability for the casino itself. We’re talking about the guy that has that crazy look in his eye that’s not afraid to take you to a room with no cameras and rupture your eye socket. We’re talking about Bill Romanowski.
The Casino Owner: One of the most intriguing characters in the casino genre is the out-of-touch bizarre casino owner. This is the person that lives in the suite at the very top floor, but hasn’t left the compound in years. We’re talking about Raiders owner Mark Davis. Can’t you see him cutting his own bowl haircut with an empty champagne bucket? Not to mention the occasional childhood flashback to the times he spent with the original casino owner Al Davis.
The Former Boss: Even every Boss needs a mentor. In every mafia movie, there’s always the retired OG that’s willing to drop a little wisdom from time-to-time on our protagonist. In this case we exchange the garden for the Vegas swimming pool. And who to be that mentor better than the Godfather of Boom, Pow, and Doink John Madden? He’ll certainly drone on about something…
The Police Chief: When running a casino, you need to grease the local authorities from time-to-time to keep things operating smoothly. In this case we bring in one of the finest actors to ever star on the silver screen aka Howie Long. The Fox personality has the acting credits in such excellent films as Broken Arrow and….that one that he fights fires in the woods?
The Degenerate: When it comes to the Oakland Raiders, the role of the gambling degenerate that doesn’t know when to take his chips and run could be filled by many a nefarious character. However, Todd Marinovich seems like the perfect fit considering he was found in somebody’s backyard naked with a paper bag filled with meth last offseason. What a way to meet a character!
The Cooler: Similar to the role of the Degenerate, many a bad luck Cooler has been selected by the Oakland Raiders in recent memory. However, one takes the cake…quite literally. JaMarcus Russell would be a fascinating character of the once promising poker player that hit an epic bad luck streak. Now addicted to purple drank, he is paid to roam the casino floors putting a hex on any lucky rollers.
The High-Functioning Alcoholic DJ: This role needs little explanation, but here it is. He’s the Polish molly-abusing, booze-guzzling poolside DJ of the casino. He’s one of the best at what he does, but he clearly has some serious addiction problems. This role is clearly cast by method actor and kicker Sebastian Janikowski. Seriously, this is the role of a lifetime for the party animal kicker of the Raiders.
The Showgirls: Now this is the most fun part of a casting session. Perhaps you can see why below….