The Beauty: Easily the best athlete of all the WAGs, Hope Solo is a two-time Gold medalist Olympian and two time winner of FIFA’s Golden Glove which is awarded to the best goalkeeper in the World Cup. Despite her celebrity status as a badass goalie, the former Dancing with the Stars contestant is often in the news for the wrong reasons. Although Solo is often referred to as the “Ray Rice” of women’s soccer due to her arrests for battery, the goalkeeper shined this summer in the World Cup for the USA. Unfortunately, Hope was also featured in the darkest corner of the internet when nudes were published of her during the infamous “The Fappening” web leaks.
The Beast: Often in this segment, I pine for the Beauty and protest that the Beast is an unfit match. However, in this case, troubled ex-NFL tight end Jerramy Stevens is a match made in heaven for Solo (or Hell depending on how you look at it). The former Seahawk and Buccaneer has an arrest record the size of a phone book with felony battery charges, multiple DUIs, drug possession and not to mention rape accusations from his time at University of Washington. In fact Stevens is such a problem child he wore out his welcome in the NFL which quit employing him despite his tremendous talent in the redzone.
The Bard: Despite her poor taste in men, Hope deserves a lovely poem fitting of her champion spirit.
Hope first graced our presence dominating the most beautiful game,
With good looks and skill she quickly became a household name.
However, when she became engaged to this bat out of hell,
You could say she dropped the ball like her man did in Super Bowl XL,
Jerramy was arrested for assaulting her the night before they wed,
And now roast beef curtains are forever in his bed.