Breaking Down the Yahoo Fantasy Experts

What’s a fantasy football expert? From my experience, I’d say it’s some dickhead that loves football, ranks every fantasy option in the league, and ignores their misfires but praises their correct projections. Sounds like a great job if you ask me. I mean encouraging me to play Jamaal Charles isn’t exactly insight NFL Network, but thank you.

Don’t think these guys bolt on their bold projections like Ted Kennedy does on a date then take the curious case of Davante Adams as an example.

Green Bay Packers wide receiver Davante Adams was considered a beast this fantasy football off season. Once Jordy Nelson went down with that ACL tear, Adams was the projected #2 target in Green Bay’s offense this season. Even before Jordy was injured, fantasy experts raved about this sleeper pick. Adams was targeted a lot down the stretch last season, is young, and a physical receiver who happens to play on the best passing attack in the league. Fast forward to Week 4. Adams is injured, ineffective, and has basically been usurped by James Jones. Of course the season is long and who knows what will happen, but as of right now Adams appears to be the odd man out of the offense.  So I was watching the NFL Networks fantasy football show yesterday and one “fantasy expert” said to the others how disappointed he’s been with Adams output thus far. The other three immediately shot this down stating that they were never that high on him in the first place. Mind you, the Commish didn’t see a single ranking where Adams wasn’t in the top 30 WRs during Week 1 of the regular season.

The truth is these guys are flightly and inconsistent with their projections and they’re not held accountable. Well until now.  The Commish is here to help you. Not only with the values of each player, but more importantly…the values of each supposed expert that is allegedly dropping knowledge on you. Lets review what is arguably the fantasy football giant of all giants….the people over at yahoo.com. Specifically, lets look at how their draft day projections worked out for the entire season last year.

Brandon Funston: Yahoo’s big swingin dick of all their fantasy football experts actually faired pretty well last season in the overall fantasy football expert rankings. Although his 2014 preseason rankings were mediocre at best resulting in 60th place of all fantasy experts predictions, his regular results were pretty impressive finishing in 33rd place. This guy fucks.

Andy Behrens: Yahoo’s second in command and the guy that gives Funston Western-grip handjobs aka Behrens actually was the best expert last season in both the preseason and the regular season finishing in 36th in the preseason out of all the “certified” football experts on all of the websites and #25 in the regular season. Way to go, Deuce.

Scott Pianowski: Fear not…just because he has a Polish name doesn’t mean Pianowski is a complete mouth-breathing moron. In fact Pianowski earned better grades than his lead counterpart Funston with a preseason ranking of #54 and a regular season ranking of #27.

Brad Evans: In the Middle Ages, Evans would have been dragged into the center of the village and pelted with rotten vegetables. He at least would have been branded for his tremendously shitty preseason rankings resulting in finishing in #142nd place. Good God man. Sure he finished in #46th place for the regular season, but we all know he was cheating off his Yahoo friend’s rankings by then. Lock this man away in the Red Keep, Funston.

Dalton Deldon: The most mysterious Yahoo expert sounds like a mafioso hitman, but picks fantasy stars like a obscure henchmen. His 77th place in preseason and 60th place in the regular season results are about as memorable as he is. Deldon it’s like I never knew you…..

Liz Loza: Whelp. Yahoo finally got with the times and hired a lady expert. From the little bit I’ve read of Liz’s articles thus far, I’d say you might as well listen to Helen Keller before you listen to Ms. Loza.

  • Wes

    Behrens is the only one who has any idea what he is talking about. Evans is not just bad, he is so bad i don’t read ANY Yahoo posts any more for fear they will even reference Evans’ outlook. if i like a player and were to found out Evans did too, i would have to drop him immediately.